Over The Rainbow

In the beginning of Existence the feeling of being safe was overwhelming! We were one, and in our little world inside each other we thought it would go on like this forever. Forever like this: Being ONE; One Heart, one Soul, one Mind. Forever in companionship with ourself, a happiness easy to believe because existence was nothing else but this. There was no beginning of you, no end of me. We surrounded each other in Perfect Harmony.

Then, in the moment of Creation, when our world shook and a New World rose from nowhere, I lost you! I was ripped out of myself, torn apart with a pain so staggering I thought I would never be whole again. It took my breath away completely! I had lost myself, and the world I woke up to was so different, so bright, yet so dark and dangerous I didn't know where to look for the part of me lost.

My broken soul drifted along in loneliness, always with what was left of my mind wide open in search for my mate, my second half. The other part of me. Wide awake in the search for myself. For you.

I went into the depths of the soil, climbed the highest mountains, even crossed the oceans creation had brought this New World.

The deeper I went, the higher I climbed, the more I searched for the feelings lost, the warmer and safer I felt. But still darkness surrounded me and you were nowhere to be found. I cried out in torment, but didn't even know what to call you. Because as One we didn't need names, and now I didn't even know who or what I had become myself.

So endlessly many years and decades, so many centuries and millenniums passed in lonely search for my lost perfection. And yet my soul was lonely and you remained nowhere to be found.

Like the lilies of the lakes, like the roses in the Garden of Eden, like the birds in the sky, and even the stray dogs. So much beauty and companionship with others of my spiecies, but still lonesome. Still half, even among my own.

The Creation of Man brought a new dimension, and even if my heart and mind were still searching for lost feelings, it brought happiness, love and friendship to a forever restless soul. So many relationships in so many different times and ways I even forgot to search for you from time to time.

The pain sometimes disappeared, it was only a vague feeling of something lost along the way, something never named, just felt with unknown feelings. Felt like an empty spot in the depth of my heart and soul.

A place for forever Nothing.

And then my present time arrived, a new life and a New Beginning. Family and love and friendship kept me alive, brought both pain and joy into my life. But even in my happiest moments I felt a need to search for something nameless, like I still hadn't found what I was looking for. Always looking for god-knows-what.

Then, like a wonder, like lightning strikes from a clear blue sky, like a hurricane from cyberspace, I found myself again on St. Anthony's day! My soulmate; My body and mind, my heart and soul. You! Again no beginning of me, no end of you, just us. So many strange and unknown feelings felt, so weird they had no names. Because, how can we explain our own thoughts expressed by another if it isn't us speaking?

Like the beauty of the rainbow, it's just reflections of nobleness eyes can see, but no hand touch. Unbelievable in it's whole existence, but still present. Two corners of the world arching to be joined as one.

Yet, even if the lost part of me, my soulmate has been found, the way to go is still unknown, still to be searched for. For, who are we to fully understand what this is all about? What else can we do but together try to find the Bridge Across Forever?

For someone very special,
autumn 1997